Small Town Life

I grew up in a small white house on five acres of open land. A long driveway off a street that wasn't traveled often and next door neighbors that owned john deere tractors. The first born of high school sweethearts, in a small three bedroom house. Eighteen months later and I had a sister. We were best friends from the start. We went to school in our sundresses and tennis shoes. We played barbies, rode our bikes up dirt hills, and climbed trees together. Equally girly girls and tomboys.

In kindergarten, I began going to a small private school and that winter my first baby brother was born. For Christmas we braved the snowy roads two days in a row and drove to our grandparents' homes. Including annual cookie bakes with the cousins and sledding down hills in the backyard.  In the summer we visited the farm next door to my mom's parents' house and fed the horses and went on bike rides to the park.

For Easter, we alternated each year with which grandma and grandpa we would get to see. There were easter egg hunts, frilly dresses, and new white shoes. Occasionally my parents would brave the crying pictures with the easter bunny and too much chocolate. Before church, we woke up early and looked around the house for our Easter baskets.

When I was seven, my little sister Laura Grace was born sleeping and went to heaven in May. Every year we celebrate her birth and go see her beautiful stone at the cemetery. Full of releasing balloons into the sky and planting new flowers. The only thing I remember from her funeral was singing Jesus Loves Me and watching my family cry. I was still too young to understand everything.

Through the years, both of my siblings joined me at the private school. We had our favorite teachers and the school lunches were actually good. Our classes had less than fifteen kids in them and we all grew up together. The boys ran from the girls because they had cooties. We raced on the swings to see who get the highest. Every Wednesday we had chapel and in class we had coloring contests. Twice a year we had a musical and performed for family & friends.

By the time I was nine, my second baby brother was born. Mom & dad and four kids. We went on camping trips, saw fireworks on the fourth of July, and went to the beach in the summer. When school started in the fall we took "first day" pictures and mom drove us in the suburban. We raked leaves piles and jumped in them. In the winter we drove snowmobiles and went ice-skating in our backyard.

After a few years of trying to homeschool and eventually switching to a charter school, we adopted from Ethiopia, Africa when I was thirteen. Adding a fifth to the bunch just made life more beautiful and messy. We moved from our childhood home and took our swing set with us. Youth group trips, family trips to the big city, growing up, and moving again.

Seven. Together we live this life. We navigate the ups and downs. Whether it's dirt roads or a college campus. 8 years old or 18 years old. Living a small town life is what we know. We learn, we grow, we live.

xoxo,
~Michlyn

Reflecting.

This is a post mostly for myself. Something that I need to write down so I can come back and remember. If you want to, go ahead and read along but I warn you - it might get a little long and be a tad boring. :)

Looking back on this year, it has been a year of growth and struggle. Good struggle & bad struggle. A full year of fitting pieces of a puzzle back together, erasing scars of my heart, and opening new doors. I look back and realize that I fit a lot into this past year and it brings nothing but joy. I had a lot of stressful moments but I had support and comfort after the storm. And that just brings joy that overpowers all the hard times. For that I'm thankful.

But something else I've noticed is that I have not grown in my faith with God. And that's something I've really struggled with in the past 2 years. You can go read this post and that gives you a little smidgeon of info. We lost our youth pastor around that time and it's been hard ever since. (We do have a new youth pastor now and he is super awesome! Just losing the one before him was pretty rough for a while) Someone really special to me asked me the other day "How is your walk with God?" and all I felt was disappointment. In myself. In my church. In my heart.

My faith has been tested a lot over the past 2 years and I've realized that I rarely turned to God when I needed something or was hurting. I turned to my friends or raged at my parents or cried alone in my room or complained to God. I never prayed to Him or thanked Him or cried out to Him. And I'm SO THANKFUL to everyone in my life who has and will always be there for me in hard times. Whether it's girls from my team, my parents, my best friends, or my grandparents. But most of all I'm so thankful to have a God that is so forgiving, so loyal, and so selfless. If it wasn't for Him not giving up on me or letting me give up on myself then I'd be in a lower spot in my faith than I am right now.

I'm the girl that tries to always have a smile on her face, who hates letting people down, and has a positive outlook on life. My life is beautiful. And there are times when I think "my life couldn't get any better" and times when I think "my life couldn't get any worse". But whether it's good, bad, or beautiful - it's not perfect and I'm not perfect.

So reflecting back on this year it's been an adventure. A crazy one. In 2014, I want it to be even crazier. I want to be crazy for God and for the life and future He has for me. Not the plans I have for myself but the plans that HE has for me. I want to strive to learn about Him and to seek Him in all that I do.

"But the Lord stood with me and strengthened me." 2 Timothy 4:17

xoxo,
~Michlyn

A Best Friend in Between.

They were both my best friends. He was blonde, athletic, and funny. She was brunette, bubbly, and beautiful. They both had a love for basketball and got to know each other better. Before I knew it they were dating. Almost a year went by and the summer was coming to an end. She started a new school. His friends started college classes away from school. They didn't see each other very often and it was hard. They kept fighting and she felt at fault. He didn't treat her the way he should. She took the blame for everything and soon it was over. A fight in his driveway and a phone call the next day broke them apart. She cried for weeks at night and all he did was put every feeling he ever felt away. It's only been a few months. When I'm with him we don't bring it up. When I'm with her, I don't mention his name. Being a best friend in between this situation is one of the hardest things I've ever been through. Pleasing people is what I do. Then one night I got a text from her that said "I can't be friends with you if you're friends with him..." *Cue tears and heart breaking* That night was hard but I was not ready to let either of them out of my life and thankfully it all worked out. "You need to become friends with him and mend this break between you two" was how the conversation ended. It's been a slow transition but I know that eventually this situation will be over and someday we'll look back and laugh at ourselves. Best friends...Can't live with them, can't live without them.

The Wounds He Gave Me

We would talk for hours. Whether it was in person, via text, or on the phone. He made me laugh & thought I was pretty. We'd known each other our whole lives. Gone to church together forever. He was always the one to cheer me back up if I had a bad day. It lasted for a while as we got to know each other better but soon it wasn't the same anymore. I knew that God was telling me to take a couple steps back. To live my life without a "him" for a while. So I told him that I wasn't ready. Not for a closer relationship that he was hoping for. And it seemed that I broke his heart in that moment. Soon time passed faster than I thought and the rift between us just got bigger. He moved on in our hometown's public school and I started a charter school 30 minutes away. We didn't talk. Ever really. He got a girlfriend and I just made a lot of great friends...guys & girls. When I thought the storm was over...it came back. Rumors. Horrible and hurtful rumors about me. Stuff that he told other people. And soon friends from church knew...some of my best friends. They were hearing untruthful things about me. Because...well I don't know why he said them. Popularity? Girls? Ego? I don't know. But I'm a strong girl. I don't let that stuff get to me and usually it doesn't come to me because I. hate. drama. I pushed it aside but trusted my parents and told them what my friends had heard him say. And before I knew it...there I was in a tiny room with our youth pastor asking him about these rumors. I thought I knew him. That guy just a year or 2 ago that would never do anything like this to hurt me. Who made me feel so special. But I guess he changed. The thing that hurt the most was that he denied it...allllll of it. That he didn't talk to anyone about "our history" and didn't say any of the rumors that I asked him about. He said that some of them weren't my business; that they had nothing to do with me. Ummm excuse me? If you said my name...they have everything to do with me. And my reputation that he carelessly half destroyed. Now 2 meetings down and he just sat there. And saw my tears and my confusion about this whole situation. He does nothing but deny the wounds he gave me...They hurt and sting and it's hard to take care of these wounds when they don't appear very often. But I'm finally taking care of them myself...I don't need his help or explanation to how they got there. Because I know our God is more powerful and more loving and will deal with him. But these wounds...they're on my heart. My only goal is that they don't leave a scar.

~Michlyn

God Gave Me You for the Ups and Downs

So today was the first day of the 2nd semester.

And when you get new classes and lose some of your friends in those classes...

for 7 whole hours of the day....

It kinda wears you out and you aren't in the best mood.

But then there are those friends.

They are there for you always. The ups and downs.

And tonight it was the downs.

To make me laugh and just get things of  my chest.

To be my complete self...even if it is over text.

To not be judged on my honest thoughts.

And it makes me happier.

God truly gave me the best friends for the ups & downs.

~Michlyn

P.S. Yes I am fully aware that is also the title of a country song, that Blake Shelton sings about 2 people in love. However that is not what my post is about. Thank you.

The Little Things...

 

Somtimes there are those moments.

When you just sit in the silence or the laughter and think....

My life is great. I don't want anything to change.

Being grateful & happy & feeling beautiful.



It's those little things in life.

Where you need to stop and thank God for.

Maybe it's a shopping date with your mom and you find the perfect pair of jeans.

It could be a night hanging out with friends and you make the best memories.

You could be in school and a teacher doesn't assign homework for the weekend.

Or maybe you're in church and you see that white rose on stage and you realize that's another person for your family in heaven.

Anything.

 

~Michlyn

Laura Grace

Happy 8th Birthday to my beautiful little sister Laura Grace!

Dear Baby Girl,

Even though you're in heaven, and I miss you sooo much - I know that you are safe in the arms of Jesus! You are so lucky to be up there dancing on the streets of gold. I can't wait to meet you, and see your face. Mom says you looked like me, and I've only seen your small hands and feet. You hold a special place in my heart, and a day doesn't go by when I don't think of you. Some days I go through your album mom made you, and look at how tiny your footprints were. Even though you are one of our tiniest blessings, you made a huge impact in many lives. You are loved Laura!

Love,

Your biggest sister, Michlyn

Going Back in Black & White

This week is my family!

We have changed a lot. We went from 3-8 in the last 15 years. Crazy.

We've been through challenges & heartbreak together, and also joy & busyness.

Since the day I was born,

to the days the next 2 siblings were born,

to the day my little sister Laura Grace went to heaven (baby #4),

to the day we welcomed our second little boy in the world,

to the day we brought my littlest sister home from Ethiopia.

We are family! Through thick & thin. :)

~Michlyn

I Wish...

Sometimes...

I wish teachers wouldn't give out so much homework

I wish my mom didn't get hurt while she tries to be the best momma she can be

I wish my siblings weren't so mean or disrespectful

I wish I could please the Lord in a better way and more often

I wish my attitude was always good

I wish that making hard decisions wasn't so...well...hard

I wish the truth in some situations wasn't so hard to say

I wish that the house was always clean

I wish my makeup, hair, and face was always spotless and perfect

I wish that I didn't get so jealous over ridiculous things

I wish my dad had a better boss and a higher paycheck

I wish that money didn't get in the way of so much stuff

I wish that hearts could never be broken

I wish that there weren't orphans in this world

I wish friends wouldn't lie and make things so complicated

I wish politicians could make decisions that help everyone

I wish athletes didn't have to get hurt and ruin their dreams

I wish that no one got sick and would stay healthy

I wish that I could take amazing pictures

I wish... I wish... I wish...

BUT

I know... That our God performs miracles and that some of the things above could eventually be fixed.

Nothing is impossible with God!
~Michlyn