June 19, 2015


              {one year ago}

They had grown close. He had undeniable charm and her smile took it all in. A 5 month friendship that grew to something a little more. They were complete opposites. He drank on the weekends and she went to church every Sunday. Somehow they interchangeably became an important part of each others' lives. A drunk kid on the phone with the girl he liked for 4 hours turned into sober heart to heart conversations. Soon enough he took her very first kiss on his couch. This fascination with each others' minds and lives and the advice they gave each other. They thought it was love. It was risky and passionate. She thought sneaking away to see him would make it more fun instead of creating boundaries.

She's screaming. Her mom won't stop telling her to stay away from him. He's not good news. His reputation is bad and he doesn't care about you. She's crying. Trying to explain how she feels without contradicting her words. Her heart is throbbing in her chest, almost as much as her throat is from screaming. Trying to deny that he was toxic for her. But inside she knew him and his past. He just kept drawing her back in.

His name popped up on her phone. 

"Are we okay? I feel like I messed up."

"What do you mean you messed up?"

"It was just one night when I was upset. I'm so sorry, I never meant to hurt you."

"Whatever. I thought you were different now."

Heartbroken. Her mom was always right. She couldn't deny it any longer. The passion, happiness, what they thought was love...was not. Tears stained her pillow night after night until she realized it wasn't worth it. She wrote him letters that never got sent. Her mind raced with memories and her heartstrings ached. How was she going to move past this. Someone she thought made her feel so special, so alive. She moved on and kept going. Life didn't stop and month after month went by with an emptiness still inside her. Eventually, strength and independence coursed through her. She would know what happiness felt like again. It wasn't because of a person or a moment...it was because she was living her life and doing things for herself. But she couldn't help but think it was because of the heartstrings he pulled, that actually made her realize how strong she could actually be.