January 1, 2014
Looking back on this year, it has been a year of growth and struggle. Good struggle & bad struggle. A full year of fitting pieces of a puzzle back together, erasing scars of my heart, and opening new doors. I look back and realize that I fit a lot into this past year and it brings nothing but joy. I had a lot of stressful moments but I had support and comfort after the storm. And that just brings joy that overpowers all the hard times. For that I'm thankful.
But something else I've noticed is that I have not grown in my faith with God. And that's something I've really struggled with in the past 2 years. You can go read this post and that gives you a little smidgeon of info. We lost our youth pastor around that time and it's been hard ever since. (We do have a new youth pastor now and he is super awesome! Just losing the one before him was pretty rough for a while) Someone really special to me asked me the other day "How is your walk with God?" and all I felt was disappointment. In myself. In my church. In my heart.
My faith has been tested a lot over the past 2 years and I've realized that I rarely turned to God when I needed something or was hurting. I turned to my friends or raged at my parents or cried alone in my room or complained to God. I never prayed to Him or thanked Him or cried out to Him. And I'm SO THANKFUL to everyone in my life who has and will always be there for me in hard times. Whether it's girls from my team, my parents, my best friends, or my grandparents. But most of all I'm so thankful to have a God that is so forgiving, so loyal, and so selfless. If it wasn't for Him not giving up on me or letting me give up on myself then I'd be in a lower spot in my faith than I am right now.
I'm the girl that tries to always have a smile on her face, who hates letting people down, and has a positive outlook on life. My life is beautiful. And there are times when I think "my life couldn't get any better" and times when I think "my life couldn't get any worse". But whether it's good, bad, or beautiful - it's not perfect and I'm not perfect.
So reflecting back on this year it's been an adventure. A crazy one. In 2014, I want it to be even crazier. I want to be crazy for God and for the life and future He has for me. Not the plans I have for myself but the plans that HE has for me. I want to strive to learn about Him and to seek Him in all that I do.
"But the Lord stood with me and strengthened me." 2 Timothy 4:17