July 16, 2013

The Wounds He Gave Me

We would talk for hours. Whether it was in person, via text, or on the phone. He made me laugh & thought I was pretty. We'd known each other our whole lives. Gone to church together forever. He was always the one to cheer me back up if I had a bad day. It lasted for a while as we got to know each other better but soon it wasn't the same anymore. I knew that God was telling me to take a couple steps back. To live my life without a "him" for a while. So I told him that I wasn't ready. Not for a closer relationship that he was hoping for. And it seemed that I broke his heart in that moment. Soon time passed faster than I thought and the rift between us just got bigger. He moved on in our hometown's public school and I started a charter school 30 minutes away. We didn't talk. Ever really. He got a girlfriend and I just made a lot of great friends...guys & girls. When I thought the storm was over...it came back. Rumors. Horrible and hurtful rumors about me. Stuff that he told other people. And soon friends from church knew...some of my best friends. They were hearing untruthful things about me. Because...well I don't know why he said them. Popularity? Girls? Ego? I don't know. But I'm a strong girl. I don't let that stuff get to me and usually it doesn't come to me because I. hate. drama. I pushed it aside but trusted my parents and told them what my friends had heard him say. And before I knew it...there I was in a tiny room with our youth pastor asking him about these rumors. I thought I knew him. That guy just a year or 2 ago that would never do anything like this to hurt me. Who made me feel so special. But I guess he changed. The thing that hurt the most was that he denied it...allllll of it. That he didn't talk to anyone about "our history" and didn't say any of the rumors that I asked him about. He said that some of them weren't my business; that they had nothing to do with me. Ummm excuse me? If you said my name...they have everything to do with me. And my reputation that he carelessly half destroyed. Now 2 meetings down and he just sat there. And saw my tears and my confusion about this whole situation. He does nothing but deny the wounds he gave me...They hurt and sting and it's hard to take care of these wounds when they don't appear very often. But I'm finally taking care of them myself...I don't need his help or explanation to how they got there. Because I know our God is more powerful and more loving and will deal with him. But these wounds...they're on my heart. My only goal is that they don't leave a scar.



S.W. said...

Michlyn, you are such a princess. I'm praying for you; I wish I could hug you, or I do something for you. I'm just so honored to be a follower of this blog and know you a little bit. I wish you all the best.
Stand firm,

Michlyn said...

Aww thank you so much! I'll just pretend you gave me a hug, because I could sure use one! You are so lovely, and your comments always make me smile. I read every single one and feel so blessed to have someone like you read my journey!


Brooklyn said...

Aww. This post made me angry. Michlyn Babe, I would beat up that guy, but I can't. Because you see, I am extremely weak.

"My only goal is that they don't leave a scar".

You're so amazing, Michlyn!<3 I love you!

Michlyn said...

Thank you so much Brooke! Haha trust me....I've come 'this' close to punching him in the face. But of course I'm not very good at being tough and angry. God has a plan for him.

xoxo Beautiful!